Introduction to Boy in love
Hi all you bloggers and readers out there. Welcome to my blog.
This is more of a personal blog than anything. It's a place for me to
Ok here is my story.
I'm a young man just getting into my mid twenties (below 25). I have never fallen
in love before until now. I have had crushes on a couple of girls but have managed to
get over them. But this is different. The situation here is more complicated.
By the way my name is Jason and I live in Graceland, Hawai. The woman I'm in love with is called Drew. Drew and I are kinda related although we are not. Ok here it goes. Drew's mom and my dad had a child but never got married. So drew and I share a sibbling.
I only met drew a few months ago. That was the first time I had ever seen or heard of her. I did not fall in love with her immediately then. In fact I did not notice her match at that time. At the time, my heart was like still, incapable of loving anyone or having feelings for anyone because of pains and hurts it had gone through in the past. I've become so withdrawn from people because of my background.
So for about a year that I first met Drew, I didn't talk much to her. We never really had a conversation then.
My feelings for her started after I came home for summer holidays. I just couldn't take my eyes off her. But my heart kept rebelling and warning me not to get close to her because I can't trust anyone.
As time went by I started having conversations with her and she started revealing herself to me. I was so drawn to her that anytime she is not around, I feel so desperate to see her. All I wanted to do was be in her company.
Even then, my heart still was rebelling. What finally made me realized I was in love with her was when I hurt her. She ignored me for a couple of days and It was to two loneliest days of my life. I felt so bad and all I wanted was for her to say a single word to me. Just a hello or hi. I was so angry with myself. When she finally spoke to me again, it was so refreshing and I really felt happy inside.
For a long time, she was all that was making me happy. Just seeing her and talking to her was all I could think of. I was ready to do anything she wanted.
Then she started spending time with me in my room and my love for her grew deeper and deeper. The first time she stayed in my room, we chatted till 4 in the morning. All this time, I was having so much desire for her. I wanted to hod her, caress her, whisper in her eyes, make love to her all night, wish all her problems away, make all her dreams come true.
I couldn't control my desire for her and most of the nights she spent in my room, I will try to sleep with her. She will say no and I'll stop feeling so guilty and so angry at myself. I love her so much I didn't want to hurt her in any way. It hurts so much anytime I see her sad or downhearted. Anytime I see she has a problem all I want to do is to comfort her and make her happy.
She was the one who told me she might be falling in love with me. She asked me if I was in love with her and I went ahead and confessed to her how I feel. At first I knew she was in love with me and she really misses me when we're apart. I became deeper and deeper in love with her and only want to do everything in my power to make her happy.
She gave me my first kiss. It was magical and I felt connected to her. I know she felt it too. We started holding hands when walking together and couldn't stop telling each other we love them.
Then things started to change. She started having personal problems and started getting pressure from her mom to get married. I know there is a lot against our relationship working. She is almost 5yrs older than me (It's not really a problem to me but She isn't so much into the idea). Our families might never agree to us getting married although I believe we can convince them. And probably the biggest obstacle is that, I'm not capable of supporting a family financially. If I had a solution to that last one at least, I would probably propose to her.
Now I don't think she's into me anymore. She doesn't tell me everything like she used to anymore. She finds it difficult saying the words "I love you" and "I've missed you". I usually say it and she'll reply, " me too". She wouldn't go out with me but would go out with others.
I was so confused. To tell you the honest truth, I trusted her with all my heart and cares and deeply love and respect her as a person. I've never once had a negative thought of her or looked down on her. To me she is who she is and that's why I love her so much.
But something happened recently that's made me begin to thing maybe she doesn't love me after all and maybe I'm bothering her. I sent her an e-greeting card from halmark.
You know with this cards you get a notice when the recipient has viewed the card.
I shouldn't have done what I did but I wanted to know. I know her email address and password (it's not a secrete. she gave it to me herself) So I logged in to her inbox to see if she didn't receive the card so that I can resend it. I was shocked at what I saw. She has opened the message informing her that I have sent her a card but she never actually went ahead to click on the link that leads to the card itself. So she never saw the card I sent her. Why didn't she open the card? I couldn't jump to conclusions because she might want to see it late.
But later that evening, I asked her if she had seen the card and she said yes and was going to discuss it with me. Why would she lie that she has seen the card when she hasn't? Is she just trying not to hurt me? I know she really cares about me and she is having real crises but does she realize she is hurting the one person who probably loves her the most in this world?
I love her so much it hurts and all I still want to do is make her happy. If only I know what she wants me to do. If only I had the resources to make her dreams come true. She motivates me to want to work hard to achieve success so that I can bring all her dreams to life.
I really need her in my life if even just as a friend because she has become a part of my being and she occupies a special place in my soul. I can't live without her. I think I keep pushing her away every day. I need some advice on what to do not to lose her completely. I'm so in love with this girl I'm ready to do anything if it's in my power to do so. I love you Drew. You're my only reason to stay alive. You're my inspiration, my motivation in life. My love for you will just grow and grow and never cease. This is true love I feel for you and I'll never be able to love another like this again. Letting you go will be impossible for me and I'm going to work hard to make all your dreams come true. I love you.
This is more of a personal blog than anything. It's a place for me to
Ok here is my story.
I'm a young man just getting into my mid twenties (below 25). I have never fallen
in love before until now. I have had crushes on a couple of girls but have managed to
get over them. But this is different. The situation here is more complicated.
By the way my name is Jason and I live in Graceland, Hawai. The woman I'm in love with is called Drew. Drew and I are kinda related although we are not. Ok here it goes. Drew's mom and my dad had a child but never got married. So drew and I share a sibbling.
I only met drew a few months ago. That was the first time I had ever seen or heard of her. I did not fall in love with her immediately then. In fact I did not notice her match at that time. At the time, my heart was like still, incapable of loving anyone or having feelings for anyone because of pains and hurts it had gone through in the past. I've become so withdrawn from people because of my background.
So for about a year that I first met Drew, I didn't talk much to her. We never really had a conversation then.
My feelings for her started after I came home for summer holidays. I just couldn't take my eyes off her. But my heart kept rebelling and warning me not to get close to her because I can't trust anyone.
As time went by I started having conversations with her and she started revealing herself to me. I was so drawn to her that anytime she is not around, I feel so desperate to see her. All I wanted to do was be in her company.
Even then, my heart still was rebelling. What finally made me realized I was in love with her was when I hurt her. She ignored me for a couple of days and It was to two loneliest days of my life. I felt so bad and all I wanted was for her to say a single word to me. Just a hello or hi. I was so angry with myself. When she finally spoke to me again, it was so refreshing and I really felt happy inside.
For a long time, she was all that was making me happy. Just seeing her and talking to her was all I could think of. I was ready to do anything she wanted.
Then she started spending time with me in my room and my love for her grew deeper and deeper. The first time she stayed in my room, we chatted till 4 in the morning. All this time, I was having so much desire for her. I wanted to hod her, caress her, whisper in her eyes, make love to her all night, wish all her problems away, make all her dreams come true.
I couldn't control my desire for her and most of the nights she spent in my room, I will try to sleep with her. She will say no and I'll stop feeling so guilty and so angry at myself. I love her so much I didn't want to hurt her in any way. It hurts so much anytime I see her sad or downhearted. Anytime I see she has a problem all I want to do is to comfort her and make her happy.
She was the one who told me she might be falling in love with me. She asked me if I was in love with her and I went ahead and confessed to her how I feel. At first I knew she was in love with me and she really misses me when we're apart. I became deeper and deeper in love with her and only want to do everything in my power to make her happy.
She gave me my first kiss. It was magical and I felt connected to her. I know she felt it too. We started holding hands when walking together and couldn't stop telling each other we love them.
Then things started to change. She started having personal problems and started getting pressure from her mom to get married. I know there is a lot against our relationship working. She is almost 5yrs older than me (It's not really a problem to me but She isn't so much into the idea). Our families might never agree to us getting married although I believe we can convince them. And probably the biggest obstacle is that, I'm not capable of supporting a family financially. If I had a solution to that last one at least, I would probably propose to her.
Now I don't think she's into me anymore. She doesn't tell me everything like she used to anymore. She finds it difficult saying the words "I love you" and "I've missed you". I usually say it and she'll reply, " me too". She wouldn't go out with me but would go out with others.
I was so confused. To tell you the honest truth, I trusted her with all my heart and cares and deeply love and respect her as a person. I've never once had a negative thought of her or looked down on her. To me she is who she is and that's why I love her so much.
But something happened recently that's made me begin to thing maybe she doesn't love me after all and maybe I'm bothering her. I sent her an e-greeting card from halmark.
You know with this cards you get a notice when the recipient has viewed the card.
I shouldn't have done what I did but I wanted to know. I know her email address and password (it's not a secrete. she gave it to me herself) So I logged in to her inbox to see if she didn't receive the card so that I can resend it. I was shocked at what I saw. She has opened the message informing her that I have sent her a card but she never actually went ahead to click on the link that leads to the card itself. So she never saw the card I sent her. Why didn't she open the card? I couldn't jump to conclusions because she might want to see it late.
But later that evening, I asked her if she had seen the card and she said yes and was going to discuss it with me. Why would she lie that she has seen the card when she hasn't? Is she just trying not to hurt me? I know she really cares about me and she is having real crises but does she realize she is hurting the one person who probably loves her the most in this world?
I love her so much it hurts and all I still want to do is make her happy. If only I know what she wants me to do. If only I had the resources to make her dreams come true. She motivates me to want to work hard to achieve success so that I can bring all her dreams to life.
I really need her in my life if even just as a friend because she has become a part of my being and she occupies a special place in my soul. I can't live without her. I think I keep pushing her away every day. I need some advice on what to do not to lose her completely. I'm so in love with this girl I'm ready to do anything if it's in my power to do so. I love you Drew. You're my only reason to stay alive. You're my inspiration, my motivation in life. My love for you will just grow and grow and never cease. This is true love I feel for you and I'll never be able to love another like this again. Letting you go will be impossible for me and I'm going to work hard to make all your dreams come true. I love you.
posted by mrobeng at 5:18 PM
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